random rants

galit na galit ako sa ate ko.
alam ko naman na mali itong nararamdaman ko... but everytime i remember na "niloko" niya ako... at nagsinungaling siya sa akin... i can't help but feel bitter towards her. i feel so frustrated! i want to shout (but that's the least that i would do right now -- i am inside a computer shop, you know)... i want to be in good terms with her but everytime these thoughts flash inside my head... anger and bitterness sets in...

i am happy being with a mark. he's really an angel... i mean, a God-given angel that brightens up my day everytime i feel downcast.... but SOMETIMES, when thoughts like "i-should've-been-doing-this-instead-of-that" thoughts and "i-should've-been-enjoying-this-than-that" thingies come into me... i feel that i am snatched out of who i am.... i don't know... am i bad tita?

sometimes... i just don't know what to feel... what to say or act? everything seems rubbish -- that everything in my life is so random... and is so boring. why do i feel this way? is there something wrong with me?

why do i always feel that nobody cares? well, if anyone REALLY cares, why don't i have comments in my entries.... geeezzzz..... what's happening to me?

rb went to 'see' me and greet me happy birthday last jan 11.
why was he there? why did we kiss?
i do not know if that's what he wanted... i stopped asking "commitement" from him... kasi i don't want to be rejected by him again and again. all i know is, masaya ako pag andiyan siya. but i know it's wrong -- so wrong. i know that we should stop seeing each other... but everytime he texts me, or calls... i can't help it. i loved him SO MUCH... so much that i hurt everytime he bids goodbye without knowing if he will return or not... if he will ever be mine....