a reply: to the world's greatest bully

JUST an FYI:
i NEVER patterned our relationship with what the ones i had (actually there was just one real relationship prior to you)... because if i did, i wouldn't have told everybody about it. It would be a secret among my peers... my relatives won't know it, and we would always go to places where people i know won't see me. That was the kind of relationship i had with rb. and NEVER did i do that to you.

this is sooo crazy.
YOU were one of the first persons (next to nessa) that i tell whenever i get pissed off with rb, your shoulders were the very ones i cried on, why a sudden change of wind? why tell me (and other people) that i was the one who never cared? why do you always bring up the walang pakialam night... don't i have the right to make mistakes? to say things that i don't really mean when i am totally mad and blown apart?

so now tell me.

don't you ever tell me that you never felt anything for those girls you had relationships with. read: RELATIONSHIPS... because there were so many girls BEFORE me... (don't tell me that you never felt anything to them... because only hyprocrites say that!)
and what's this statement that "i consumed all my energy and left you nothing" crap?

aren't you happy that you have hurt me already?

i ALWAYS try and make the INITIATIVE to talk to you, call you, text you and ask you to accompany me. IT WAS ALWAYS ME, ROGIE. AND YOU KNOW IT! and then you make this absurd statement that i left NOTHING to you?! You always leave me hanging. You're always SHUTTING ME out.

Sino nga ba talaga ang may "walang pakialam" sa relasyon na ito? Yung nagsabi, pero may ginagawang aksiyon para magkaayos o yung hindi nga nagsasalita na "wala siyang pakialam" pero wala namang ginagawa?

so now tell me.

cleaning my closet

at first i thought, it never happened... but it did.
i am broken.
but i have hurt him. i am sooo guilty of that - physically, emotionally.. whatever. the pain i imagine i've caused - probably is so unbearable that's why we ended up parting ways.

now, i feel ultra shit. (i am not ashamed saying shit. i've spoken harsh-er... hell, we are all hypocrites if you say you are better than others... anyway)

what do i do now? nothing i suppose. since december i was the one 'doing' things. making things happen.
now... i am so damned tired...

i just logged today (friendster) 02/01/07 at exactly 1:35 pm...and viewed his profile. i was totally shocked when it said "single"... he has officially ended the relationship (or whatever was left of it after that fateful camp last december)... everything was fine last january 26-27. i just don't know what happened.

i have imagined us getting married, living a simple life. i'd be a full-time homemaker... he's gonna be the greatest husband, father, friend, and teacher... but we built our dreams on sand. the storm came, and everything was dragged away -- into the depths of the ocean... now, i wonder .... where are the promises of love? comforting words like "i will be here", "i will take care of you", "God gave you to me" he always whispered to my ears back then?

i was so hurt, i deleted all his photos - even my testi for him. then it hit me -- all the while, the months we've been together, he never made a testi for me. to think that 5 days every week, he is in front of the computer.

so now,
i'll be cleaning my closets;
i'll be singing "alone again";
"the real thing" will be my lullaby every God-forsaken night...
i'll anticipate the months ahead thinking where did i go wrong (again?)
eat less... think more.
pathetic as it is... yes. this will happen, months from now.

just want to share what a friend of mine texted me when he said "goodbye"
"ALL THAT A GIRL NEEDS IS A GUY
JUST ONE GUY,
WHO WOULD BE MAN ENOUGH TO PROVE HER THAT NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME."

NOW...
it's time to say
"good bye rogie"