so many things to thank for

now, more than ever, i realize that there are a lot of things and people in my life that i should thank God for... i may not write them individually or specifically but nonetheless... thank You Lord. These are for Your glory!

(THE STORY BEHIND THIS)
we had this separate church services where God "spoke to my heart". Lately, i have been grudging against God as to why these things happen in my life. i know that He is a God of purpose, and a God who watches over and takes care of me.

i was asking Him, bakit nasa akin si nano... nandiyan na ang nanay nung bata... parang buhay-dalaga ang ate ko, tapos ako nagkakaroon ng problema sa bata... bakit ganun si "katrina"... every night na lang, hinahanapan niya ako ng kamalian at kapangitan ng mga pinagga

funny thought

kung saka-sakali palang nagkatuluyan kami ni daniel (na i'm sure eh, hindi na mangyayari) nakakatuwa ang wedding invitation namin:

"SUMILANG-JABSON NUPTIALS"

hehe. =)

missing you

anna pauline cruz
-yung mga kagagahan naming dalawa

myen mojica
-kaprangkahan ng babaeng ito

yvette kristine co
-serious moments with her
-body shop tour

charisse mae tiongson

clarissa urmatan

angieline yu

rosana molina

eleanor tan

jayson pamatian

jeffrey lozada

iza margaux
mary ann lomotan
-her being my "ate"

alone again

how does one exactly define the feeling of loosing someone you're beginning to be emotionally attached with?

right now, i feel numb... and dead tired of thinking what went wrong.

2 nights ago, we went out for a date... watched a movie... i thought we had a great time, you know. but i was so wrong. some not-so-big-deal issue came up...(that i don't want to dwell on)... at that moment, i felt something bad is going to happen...

we're supposed to celebrate our first month anniversary on the 13th... SADLY, he called the relationship off... he said reasons like -- i feel so bad. really bad.

i did not ask for a prince, or a celebrity, or a..... hell, i did not ask for a SUPERBOYRIEND!!! my God, do i really deserve a second strike? what i need, i think, is a good bat-swat on the head!

i just don't know. i feel alone and miserable...

In a little while from now,
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promised myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower,
And climbing to the top,
Will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it's like when your shattered
Left standing in the lurch, at a church
Where people 're saying,"My God that's tough,
she stood him up!
No point in us remaining.
May as well go home."
As I did on my own,
Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay,
Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do,
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt,
All about God and His mercy
For if He really does exist
Why did He desert me
In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed,A
lone again, naturally
It seems to me that
There are more hearts
Broken in the world
That can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do?
What do we do

Now looking back over the years,
And what ever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to have cried the tears
And at sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn't understand, why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart
So badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed awayI cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

down the drain

recently, i posted on how proud i am for having a boyfriend... i suppose, that having a boyfriend meant someone that i could talk with, share my life's moments...mushy stuff like that... one thing that i am REALLY PROUD of about the guy is his being a Christian -- which, for those who doesn't know, matters most to me.

BUT NO...

at yun ang nagpapalungkot sa akin... kasi we broke up because of some lame excuses that he told me. so, i had to let go of the relationship.

i thought i had the relationship that i wanted.

siguro, God is telling me to let go of the relationship, since hindi pa talaga 'match' ang situation/circumstance namin. pero, nanghihinayang lang talaga ako. we realy hit it off during summer '03.... and maayos naman ang naging relationship namin for the past few months. i guess, hindi lang talaga napapanahon.

nonetheless, ayos na rin. at least, i got to know a bit of him. =)

hanging

- my younger sister no longer wants to attend class... after all that both of us have been through... wala na...sumuko na siya... the sad part about this is that she'd start all over again... and in a way, nanghihinayang talaga ako sa mga nasayang na panahon niya... dapat college graduate siya ngayon baka may maayos na trabaho.... i mean,,, para naman sa future niya ang mga ginagawa namin. hindi ko maintindihan ang takbo ng isip ng kapatid kong iyon! in the first place, hindi ko naman siya pinilit na mag-aral... siya ang nagdesisyon na mag-aaral. then, all of a sudden, she will leave me hanging?

- i got 'dumped' the second time. not so really 'dumped' in a sense, you know... basta... do i deserve to be treated like this? or wala lang talaga akong bagay that would make a guy truly love me? ah... pangit lang talaga siguro ako.... (pathetic!)


- i feel sooo alone...because i really do not know what's going on with my life... it's as if i am a floating entity... nameless, faceless.

- yesterday, i got upset to some of my 'fellow brothers and a sister' (not my churchmates!) . we had a wonderful team meeting yesterday (or so i thought). we were really "open" (not necessarily vulgar, i think)... and it was a kick! however, as i coming out of the mall, i overheard a group of people talking about what had happened during the meeting. i got so disappointed with what i heard from them! they called the meeting obscene, but ironically, one of them was talking about how big one of our officemates boobs are! who's obscene now?

for the sheep who wants a greener pasture

sometimes, we have to leave whatever we have right now in search for something that would 'satisfy our life's cravings'. and i am happy, that my good friend, pao, has made that decision... and in all honesty, i envy her.

i would like to venture on a direction where people have never been... somewhere.... i don't know how, when... but what i do know is, i have a great desire to do that. i have always been 'different'... i have always thought of myself that way. but the problem with me, i think, is that i can't "maintain " that indifference. i tend to wander... and eventually get lost.